If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
