Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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