I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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