East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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