I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
