If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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