his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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