i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
