Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
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Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
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i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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