I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
