You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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