Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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