omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
