Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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