Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
