I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
