I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
