talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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