Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
