She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
