Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
