I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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