I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
