Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
