i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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