dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
