Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just threw up on my dentist
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
