i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
These tits shall not be calmed
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
