Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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