you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
