Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
