uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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