I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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