It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
