When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
