Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
