That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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