...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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