My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Even my vagina gasped.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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