thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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