I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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