You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
