the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
