I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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