you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
