just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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