why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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