I CAN MOONWALK!
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
