The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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