I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
