got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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