I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
