I think I died a long time ago.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
