Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
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He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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