Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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