Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
