It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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