Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
