Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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