im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
