He felt like a one man threesome
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
