just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Randomize
