im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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