I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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