they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
