I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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