Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
