You can't motorboat a personality
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
soo... how was my night?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
