i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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