there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
