i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
