I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
