I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
