forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
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Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
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So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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