I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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