Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
