Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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