can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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