a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
