he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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